Refnums are local to the application where they are created. You can't pass a refnum from one application to another.
For a control to be operated by the remote application, the remote app must open references to that control locally e.g. you pass the VI name and the control name, then the remote app opens a reference to local application, then to local VI. You then read from the VI Panel property the list of refnums to all controls (Controls[] property) and search the list for the control with that name.
See the attachment VI